Describing mental or emotional states gets a little trickier because the natural tendency is to affix a label to the emotion the writer thinks his/her subject is experiencing. For example, writers often label their subjects as being happy, sad, angry, nervous, embarrassed, frustrated, or excited rather than describe what that person was doing or how the person was speaking or acting to cause the writer to draw that conclusion.
Sometimes, in an attempt to avoid blatant labeling, writers add equally vague words or phrases to the label which still fail to make the word picture any clearer for the reader. Describing someone as having a "frustrated look on his face" or speaking in a "nervous tone of voice" does little to help the reader visualize that person's expression or recognize the particular sound described.
The writer needs to let readers draw their own conclusions about the emotions the characters are experiencing rather than labeling those emotions for their readers. By describing the physical manifestations of those emotions (PME's), the writer can help readers visualize the physical "clues" to how a character is feeling so that the readers can draw their own conclusions.
Describing in detail the following helps "show" rather than "tell"
the emotional state of a character:
Facial expressions
particularly the eyes (shape, movement, dilation of pupils, etc.)
mouth (including lips, teeth, and tongue--position, shape, degree of movement, etc.)
forehead and eyebrows (movement, position, etc.)
nose and nostrils (movement)
Stance
particularly position of and movement of the head, shoulders, chest, waist, back, hips, buttocks, knees, legs, ankles, feet, etc.
Gestures
particularly those created by the movement of fingers, hands, and arms
PME Generating Techniques
1. Observe objectively, simply listing what you actually see or hear the characters do or say without drawing conclusions. Pay particular attention to the PME emphasis areas described above. For example, instead of writing, "...he nervously waited," you could observe: "...crouched, with knees bent and every muscle flexed to pounce." See what a difference specific observation makes!
2. Reenact emotion in a mirror, then write what you see. Many drama students have practiced this little exercise to perfect the emotional states they must portray for their characters. You would simply be taking the process a step further by writing these observations down. Once again, pay particular attention to the PME emphasis areas. For example, instead of saying, "She had an angry look on her face," you could observe: "...her face reddened, teeth clenched, and temples throbbing, she glared back at me."
3. Draft your friends or family to "act out" the particular emotions you wish to capture. This technique will expose you to a variety of interpretations of the same emotional response. Don't forget to write your observations down for future reference.
4. Keep a reaction journal. We spend a great deal of time waiting--in lines at movies, grocery stores, registration, for our meals in restaurants, in doctors' offices, airports, etc. This "empty time" can be turned into valuable research time if we jot down emotional observations in a pocket-size notebook. Keeping this type of journal can be a time-saver the next time we brainstorm character reactions for a piece of writing.
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